Seeking help from a marriage counselor is not unlike seeking help from a mechanic. It makes little sense to take your car into the shop a month after it started making a horrific noise. When you finally take the car in, too much damage has been done and your engine is beyond repair.
At the same time, it’s important to get the timing right when you are coming to couples or marriage counseling. If you want counseling to have the best chance of saving your relationship, the time to consider marriage counseling is not when one (or both) people have already thrown in the towel.
The wrong time for marriage counseling
For instance, if you come to marriage counseling with the intention of getting a divorce, it is too late. If you are coming because you feel like my counseling office is a “safe space” to share the news with your partner, our work in marriage counseling won’t work.
Maybe one partner has had several work place hookups and doesn’t want to stop. In this case, it’s unlikely marriage counseling will convince the cheating partner to stop unless they are ready for change.
Sometimes issues you’ve been in the same pattern for years and neither party is ready or able to really change your interactions. If a couple has been building up resentment toward one another for five or more years before seeking help, it may be too late. While counseling is a wonderful way to help couples reconnect and heal, it is not a miracle cure.
When and How Marriage Counseling Can Help
If one partner struggles with sex or porn addiction, it is critical that you see a couples therapist who understands addiction. Marriage counseling for porn and sex addiction often involves a level of individual therapy. A therapist who truly understands the unique trauma that can happen in this sort of relationship is critical for the relationship to be repaired.
It is also important that couples choose a therapist who’s a good fit. Both spouses must feel comfortable with the therapist for any progress to be made.
So, here are some ways marriage counseling can help:
- Counselors help couples identify toxic behavioral patterns and give them tools to make adjustments.
- Each partner can gain new insights and perspective into the relationship.
- Tools help couples resolve conflicts with grace and respect so escalation can be avoided.
- Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication.
Some suggestions to make the most out of couples counseling after infidelity include:
- Take it seriously. Commit to the work and do it.
- Be open. If you’ve chosen the right marriage therapist. Both partners should feel free and safe to discuss your true feelings and needs. Don’t hold back. In order for therapy to work, both people have to have the courage to be vulnerable.
- Avoid the blame game. Each person must take responsibility for their part.
- Be realistic about how long it will take before real change begins. While you can begin using tools immediately, healing won’t happen overnight.
Begin Marriage Counseling After Addiction in the Fort Worth Area
If you and your partner are experiencing marital problems, don’t wait to get help. The sooner you do, the more likely your relationship can be saved. At my Dallas/Fort Worth counseling clinic, I specialize in addiction treatment. As a sex addiction treatment provider, I offer marriage counseling after cheating, porn addiction & sex addiction. Contact Anew Counseling today to begin healing.
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